Thursday, December 01, 2011

Oh thankfulness.

This Thanksgiving was interesting to say the least. The image I will have forever branded into my mind is that of my house on Thanksgiving morn. My parents bought a 14-lb turkey and fried it, which scares me because of the whole this-is-how-houses-are-burned-down thing. On top of that, we had five beef ribs to cook as well. While preparing the food, I snapped this picture:

This is my dad. If you share my sentiments, this is terrifying. 
Also he looks like Uncle Fester.

I also learned that the average American consumes 4,000 calories on Thanksgiving. Which is four times the amount that a person my height should be eating. That's pretty bananas. And so to make up for my guilt over the endeavor, I've started eating granola and yogurt for breakfast. Not quite as appetizing as a 4,000 calorie meal, but you win some you lose some.

Although it looks disgusting, this actually isn't the worst thing I've ever eaten.
(side note: In Vietnam, we're planning on trying dog. Does this make me an anti-vegan?)

This entry might be boring, but I figure at least it's something. Hopefully you, too, can carry the memory of my dad on Thanksgiving with you. Although I don't think it will scare you as much as it does me because he doesn't sleep down the hall from you when you're at home. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How to communicate with others.

I've finally realized how to communicate with others. I believe a note is much more passive aggressive, tactful, indirect, proper than actually saying what you mean. So like so many other people in this world, I'll use a note instead.

can you tell that I'm sarcastic at times?

Monday, September 12, 2011

To be read alone.

Today I found myself in a singularly unique situation. I was having a conversation with two people who had just lost close family members this summer. In these situations I always want to say more than I do. Today was just too much. September 1, 1998 my father passed away. I was eight years old. In the realm of loss, you would think that I could be more of a comfort to my friends, but I know that I can't so I generally clam up.

Whenever someone I know, or barely know, experiences a loss, I feel the extreme need to comfort them. Maybe I'll feel better knowing that what happened to my dad can bring comfort to others. The truth is that loss is an extremely isolating thing. Your family is never the same, never treats you the same. My cousin who I grew up with has, I feel, not felt comfortable around me since my father died. I don't blame him... that isn't the point. People just don't know what to say. I want to convey this, verbalize it for once in my life, try and feel out how I'm feeling (how cheesy, I know, but maybe this will help me in the future).

No one knows the in's and out's of a personality like you do. You find some things funny with that person that no one else can. You have your own experience with that person. Trying to explain the feeling I had with my dad (and have never, by the way, felt with another person to this day), is like trying to describe the intricacies of a Monet to a blind person. There is deep color, beautiful texture; a certain emotion comes to mind when you think of his paintings that can't be verbalized. Such is personality after that personality is forever lost. No one can ever know that feeling no matter how many times they say "I'm sorry".

However I do feel the incessant need to comfort in that dumb way because "I'm sorry" is the only way to express that emotion.

Initially it isn't a reality. When you're eight years old (or 21 for that matter), the only "gone" you can imagine is the "gone" between the divorced parent visitation weekends. Years go by. I know some experience survivor's guilt. I never asked "why him and not me?", only "why him?" I can honestly say that question has taken my religion away from me several times. It's not fair. I can tell you at this point that it truly isn't fair.

Now I feel the need to comfort. As the years go on, people seek their own comfort in the idea that I look like him or act like him or have the same smile when I think of certain things. My friends will experience this facet of loss as well. I hope they know that it's just comforting.

In the end I'll always say "I'm sorry". I guess sometimes I don't even say that because I know for a fact that it's never enough. I can't know how she feels. I can't know how my friends feel after they lost their mother this summer. I'll never know how the boy I used to play with in elementary school felt when he lost his mother a few years back. Or how my grandparents felt when they buried one of their youngest 13 years ago.

Maybe this is too much. Too private to be public, you could say. This is me assuaging my guilt for never really sharing this experience with anyone who should know that you can heal, you'll just have an inexplicable scar forever. I'm not trying to correct any social niceties or to stop people from empathizing with others. I'm saying that I can't because I know it's impossible.

Monday, September 05, 2011


It's a known fact that I'm a follower of the Sartorialist's blog. I confess that sometimes I online shop just to see what's up in the indie fashion world (sometimes here meaning when I'm happy/sad/bored/procrastinating). I even stuck up for the Sartorialist when he supposedly offended thousands with his use of the word "curvy" when describing a woman (hey people... I'm curvy. I'm not offended). Sometimes, however, people go to far.

Exhibit A: a suggested article I first saw when opening my account. Apparently this chick from Glee (I don't watch Glee so I wouldn't know if she really is an idiot or just had a lapse in judgement) posed with a black eye and made light of domestic violence in a photo shoot recently. Really people? Is this something we need to be portraying in the media? I guess it's not enough that emaciated models are now the it-look. Now we have to degrade our sex even more by saying it's fashionable to let your man slap you around. Because whether or not said actress had a lapse in judgement, it's still offensive no matter how you "spin" this idea. The photo where her wrists were bound by a clothes iron chord (and yet is still smiling and "fashionable") was particularly disturbing to me. Call me a feminist, but I just needed to rant.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

You should know

You should all know that I just got some new photo editing software. Although I've been reading several blogs religiously for over two years now (particularly the sartorialist and shutterbean), I've yet to do anything more with my photos than playing around with iPhoto. Although always fun, my photos lack professionalism and style. Sadly.


I'm proud to say that a week after purchasing Aperture for mac, I'm ready to reveal some new old photos. And some new new photos. Yum.

On the street in Quito.
Some tiny graffiti in the city.
Pretty fruit in a tienda.
Church dome.
On the way to the Basilica. 
Another street photo.
Praying to a saint outside a church. 
Outside the basilica. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

If you're the bird...

So there's this song that always reminds me of Spring. It'sThe Bird And The Worm by Owl City. It's just silly, and for obvious reasons, it not only reminds me of Spring, but of friendship. All of my friends--Mandy, Susan, Jill and I all fell in love with this song separately during our Sophomore year, and when I found out, I couldn't help but think that we're soul mates. 
Also, I took some photos the other day (clearly). This is a bird that was on the Magnolia tree outside of our neighbor's house. Doesn't he look so intelligent?

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Birdie. 

I stalked Jill. Thought you should know.

There are two Mourning doves that made a nest in that same Magnolia tree. It's so beautiful to see them together. I know that they aren't but I pretend they're in love. ((sigh)).

Saturday, April 02, 2011

The Home Dilemma

I'm home this weekend for the first time in a month. My brothers, however, are not. Over the years, said brothers have conditioned me into waking up ungodly early like, say, 7:00 am. I know that to some this sounds not unreasonable, but let me tell you, to those of us "youth" in the population who stay up until 2:00 on a semi-regular basis in order to see our friends this is, indeed, ungodly early. Now here am I, at 7:45 am, writing in my blog. I've been up for 3/4 an hour. Help me. I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing that I wake up this early on occasion.

It certainly isn't balanced (thank you Dr. Tallitsch and your Traditional Chinese Medicine course). Speaking of, I studied for six hours for an exam for Tallitsch's class the other day, and the section I studied wasn't on the exam. Winning.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My School

My school just sent out an incident report about some guy touching himself around campus. Apparently, the cause is the "onset of Spring". Is this normal? I think not. It just reminds me of last spring, when they said a "midget" jumped out of a car and attempted to abduct a student. This isn't politically correct. Winning.

Monday, March 21, 2011


These are exactly my feelings on Lady Gaga. (GaGa? gaga?). The only thing I would change is to pour glitter on my head during the performance.

Sometimes I feel...

Like a lazy hedgehog. The wheel keeps on spinning and I'm just sitting on my own quills at the bottom.
Mostly I just think Rosie needs to go outside and stay excited about things. Like eating bugs.
Isn't she cute?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Spring Baking...

Yesterday was a pretty big day here at Freya house. While most of the campus was partaking in an annual day of drinking (usually about 12 hours of drinking, to be exact), my roommate Mandy and I cleaned the house. You see, all winter the house was never cleaned. Past the usual 10 week term, this was about a total of 15 weeks where dishes were done daily, but the floors were never attended to. We also rearranged the furniture. This is what we found underneath one of the couches.

We don't know if it's poop or a brownie. But whatever it is, it's disgusting. 

Anyways, you'd be surprised how much better the two of us felt once the house was clean (or maybe you wouldn't-- I suspect that this is why spring cleaning is so popular). So good, in fact, that this morning I decided to make crepes in our newly-clean kitchen. I've never made them before, but I'm pleased at how easy they were to make.